Articles Of Timeless Love: Imitation

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The Mother-in-Law Gift Decoder

The Mother-in-Law Gift Decoder. It’s that time of year again -- the music, the mistletoe…the panic that your husband’s mom is going to buy you another bedazzled apron or automatic can opener (and you’ll have to pretend that you like it!). We might sound paranoid, but your mother-in-law could be trying to send you a message underneath that glossy paper and big red bow. And just in case you don’t speak Passive-Aggressive, we’re here to translate.

The gift: Framed photo -- which you’re not in

Translation: As if you didn’t have enough silver-plated frames from your engagement party and wedding (seriously, it’s okay to re-gift those), your mother-in-law gives you a shiny new one…with a photo of her and her darling son. You think: Um, thanks? Here, she’s trying to establish that she’s still his number one. Hang onto the frame until she leaves and then slip in a photo of all three of you -- or just you and your husband, if you want to make a statement.

The gift: What to Expect When You’re Expecting

Translation: Yeah, you were going to pick up a copy of this pregnancy book anyway -- in about three years. But congrats, now you don’t have to buy one! (Insert eye roll here.) Your mother-in-law is letting you know in a not-so-subtle way that she wants grandkids, and she wants them pronto. Put the kibosh on her pregnancy pressure by saying, “Thanks! This will be great for me to read so I know what my sister/best friend/coworker’s going through.”

The gift: Flannel nightgown

Translation: So your mother-in-law knows that you have sex, right? Well, sure. But she also doesn’t want to think of her son getting all riled up by you wearing that lace bra-and-thong combo (oh, and don’t forget the stockings!) that you have tucked away in your top drawer. Strange? Yes. Horrible? Not really. As far as mother-in-law gifts go, flannel is pretty harmless -- so take it in stride. Hey, all that unsexy plaid might actually come in handy on a night when you’re not in the mood.

The gift: Crock-Pot

Translation: Spending two hours making dinner every night just isn’t in the cards, but your mother-in-law continually comments on how thin her son looks these days. Her solution: the Crock-Pot. Notice how she can’t help but mention how easy it is and that anyone (gasp, even you!) can do it? This gives her the opportunity to stand on her nobody-takes-care-of-my-son-like-I-do soapbox. Throw her for a loop and show your husband the slow cooker, saying, “Look, hon, you’ve been wanting one of these for that stew you make!”

The gift: DustBuster

Translation: Okay, so your house doesn’t sparkle -- but that’s because you have something called a life. This gift is the equivalent of your mother-in-law telling you to clean your room, er, house…or you’re grounded, young lady! Toss it in a pile with the other gifts and then ask your husband to get the receipt from her the next day so you can exchange it.

The gift: Body lotion

Translation: Attention shoppers: Generic gifts, aisle four! Unless you have an obsession with berry-scented lotions that your mother-in-law knows about, this is a total cop out. She’s telling you that she’s not going to put much time or effort into shopping for a present you might actually need or want. Don’t make a fuss -- just stick it in the guest bathroom for friends and family to use, and make a mental note to get her a three-pack of shower gels for her birthday.

The gift: Workout DVD

Translation: True, you casually mentioned on Thanksgiving that you were hoping to lose five pounds, but just about the last thing you want to open on Christmas morning (after pigging out on sugar cookies all week) is a video of ab workouts. There are two ways to take this: One, your mother-in-law agrees that you should lose five pounds, or she really thought you’d like the gift -- and was actually trying to do something nice. For peace of mind, go with the latter. (thenest.com )

Avoid Thank-You Note Hell

Avoid Thank-You Note Hell.

Step 1: Grab your address list

Remember when you (or a family member) gathered your guests’ names and addresses when you sent off those wedding invites? Grab that list so you don’t have to backtrack. If you can print them off your computer with a label-making program, half of your work is done already! By the way, if you used the Guest List Manager on The Knot, log into your address book on The Nest. All of your contacts will be there; it’ll keep track of the gifts and addresses for you!

Step 2: Get your gift-givers straight

Most gift registries keep a master list of who gave you what, so print out a copy. For all the people who went off your registry, the sooner you jot down what they gave you, the better (before postwedding brain freeze sets in).

Step 3: Divide and conquer

Split up the task with your spouse during commercial breaks (have him do his friends and family, and you do yours). Try for 10 a night. Is one of you on a writer’s strike? At least agree to sign the card so both of your names are there. Hint: The person who doesn’t write the cards becomes the envelope-licker and stamp-sticker.

Step 4: Start writing

Just like you don't want to open a boring gift, no one wants to read a boring thank-you. Say why you love the item, thank them for their support, or mention something funny, like how they were a dance machine at your reception. If the gift was money, mention how you plan to use it (house down payment, amazing honeymoon). Once it’s signed and sealed, put a fat checkmark next to the guest's name and beg your new spouse for a quickie hand-massage. Phew, just a few more to go! ( thenest.com )

Ten Signs You've Got the Postwedding Blues

Ten Signs You've Got the Postwedding Blues. So you get married and a funny thing happens—you suddenly have tons of time on your hands! All those hours you spent planning the perfect wedding have become big holes in your calendar. Admit it: You kind of miss stressing out over which flowers to use in your centerpieces and googling the best hairstyles to wear with a veil (ahem, while at work). Hey, it’s okay to be a little bummed now that the big day has passed, but here’s how to tell if you’ve gone totally over the edge.

1. You decide to turn your veil into a pretty lace curtain (and then secretly stand under it and recite your wedding vows when you think no one could possibly be watching).

2. You answer questions with “I do” instead of “yes”—which is driving your friends, family and coworkers up the wall (and it’s why nobody’s in a hurry to return your calls).

3. Your new favorite hobby is watching the raw footage of your wedding video on repeat while chowing down on a slice of stale cake.

4. You’ll no longer leave the house without something old, new, borrowed and blue.

5. You host a dinner party re-creating the food at your reception, giving the option of chicken, fish or steak.

6. You’re planning the weddings of everyone you know who’s had a significant other for more than a month. Okay, a week.

7. You now call all of your vacations “honeymoons,” including when you’re just going home to see your parents for a few days.

8. You order your signature cocktail when out at your favorite bar—never mind that the “Lovetini” isn’t exactly on the menu.

9. You buy the chic paper lanterns you see at a flea market because they would’ve been just perfect for your cocktail hour.

10. You invite your married girlfriends over for a “wear your wedding dress” party and play all the music from your reception. ( thenest.com )

The weaker sex?

The weaker sex?. Here's a cheerful finding for those who say that males push females around too much: On the molecular level, it appears male genes may have to leave their homes for protection, researchers report.

Home is the X chromosome, which plays a key role in determining the sex of the carrier. A female has two X chromosomes, while a male has one X and one much smaller Y chromosome. Studies in mice and humans show an unusually large number of genes can jump from the X chromosome to non-sex chromosomes, a research team at the University of Chicago reports in the Jan. 23 issue of Science.

Contradicting popular beliefs

That finding contradicts two beliefs widely held by geneticists, explains study leader Manyuan Long, an associate professor of ecology and evolution.

It has been thought that gene traffic is no greater for the X chromosome than for all the other genes, which are called autosomes. That's just not true, Long says.

And standard theory holds that the X chromosome is the site of action for most sex-related genes. The Chicago studies show that many of the genes that leave the X chromosome are involved in male sexual development, and they may go elsewhere to do what they have to do.

Male sexual problem help

At the moment, this is an exercise in pure, basic science. But it might someday provide useful insights into treatment of male sexual problems, since many of the jumping genes are involved in sperm formation, says J.J. Emerson, a member of the research team.

This helps us understand which particular genes are likely to be involved in spermatogenesis, Emerson says. So we can infer that anyone looking for genes involved with sperm formation can look at our genes.

As every schoolboy knows, chromosomes carry the genes that carry the information for production of the proteins that enable a living organism to live and grow.

Growth means the production of new cells, and therefore of new chromosomes. A human, for example, starts as a single cell, which divides to form two cells, which divide to form four, and so on. At each division, a complete set of chromosomes is produced for each new cell.

Production line not perfect

But the chromosomal production line is not perfect. Changes occur - changes that can result in the new traits that are essential for the evolution of life. And those changes can include the transfer of a gene from one chromosome to another.

What we see is that when genes are copied from one chromosome to another, the copying from the X chromosome is excessive, Emerson says. The explanation is that natural selection is responsible for this excess.

Two possible reasons

There are two possible reasons why this occurs, he says, and both of them are based on the weakness of males - at least at the genetic level.

One is that a male carries only a single X chromosome, and therefore it is less likely that a male-helpful gene will be able to do its work. By jumping to an autosome, the male gene increases its chances of being productive.

The other explanation is sexual antagonism, Emerson says. We would expect that female genes would have more of a say on the X chromosome. If so, and they don't care about male genes, in those cases where it would benefit females at the expense of males the only way for a male gene to work is to escape from the X chromosome.

If that explanation is correct, the war between men and women is being waged molecule against molecule. And at that level, it is the male who is weakest. - ( health24.com )

Child car seats save lives, right? Maybe not

Child car seats save lives, right? Maybe not, according to the authors of a new book, "SuperFreakonomics," who argue that seat belts work just as well as car seats on children more than 2 years old.

Car crashes are the leading cause of death for children between the ages of 3 and 6 years old, and 8 to 14, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration .

The NHTSA says car seats reduce fatalities by 54 percent. But it draws the comparison with children sitting in cars unrestrained and not using a seat belt.

A popular argument against using seat belts is that they do not fit kids properly. But "SuperFreakonomics" authors Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner claim that for children older than 2. there is no significant difference in the fatality rate between car seats and seat belts, 18.2 percent versus 18.1 percent respectively.

Levitt and Dubner commissioned their own crash test and found that for children 3 and 6 years old, seat belts work just as well as car seats.

"We're not telling people not to wear them," Levitt told "Good Morning America." Only that car seats are no safer than seat belts, Levitt said.

For 2-year-olds and younger, Levitt said definitely "do not throw out the car seats."

"The problems are often being addressed by solutions that are often not the best solutions," Dubner said. "If safety is the primary concern, there are better options."

But critics say that Dubner and Levitt's claims are wrong and misleading.

"It is simply false to suggest that seat belts are as good as car seats or booster seats at protecting young children in the event of a crash," Dr. Dennis Durbin at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, said.

Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner raise the question of
whether children really need car seats, in their new book "SuperFreakonomics."

(AE Pictures Inc./Getty Images)

Critics Blast 'SuperFreakonomics' Findings

Durbin said that between 2000 and 2008 the number of children using car and booster seats have increased dramatically while the number of children killed in automobile crashes has declined by 45 percent.

Additionally, Kristy Arboghast, the director of engineering at the Center for Injury Research and Prevention, said crash tests cannot measure certain injuries.

"While crash tests serve a very important role in child restraint design, they only tell part of the story," Arboghast said. "The child crash test dummies don't have a way of presenting injuries to the belly. These are the second most common injury for children in seat belts." / abcnews

Woman Is Allergic to Her Husband's Sperm

Woman Is Allergic to Her Husband's Sperm. Couple Who Wanted to Have Children Had Pinned Hopes on New Treatment. The only thing newlyweds Julie and Mike Boyde wanted was a baby. The couple had already begun planning for a family and started to build a nursery in their Ambridge, Pa., home.

The only thing newlyweds Julie and Mike Boyde wanted was a baby. The couple had already

(ABC News)

But a painful diagnosis shattered their dream of parenthood. They learned that Julie Boyde was allergic to her husband's semen.

So the Boydes tried a revolutionary new treatment they hoped would allow them to have a baby. And although it proved unsuccessful for them, doctors hope it can help other women who have a similar problem.

Julie and Mike Boyde had been friends for years before he had the nerve to ask her out.

"I didn't ask her out until after our first year in college," Mike Boyde, 27, said. "We were just friends the whole way through high school."

The couple became engaged two years later. They married in 2005 and spent their wedding night at a bed and breakfast.

"Before we were always very careful and, you know, used protection, and that time we didn't," Julie Boyde, 26, said. "So, we figured we were married now, so if we got pregnant, we got pregnant."

But then something went terribly wrong.

"Pretty much right after, I knew something was not right because I was in a lot of pain," she said. "The pain that I was feeling was inside, kind of like, somebody was sticking needles up inside of me and like a burning, like really painful burning."

It was a scary moment, she said.

"Was there something wrong with me? Was there something wrong with him," she said.

But the attacks only got worse. Boyde said she was in pain for days, and they wondered if one of them had a disease.

"When … this actually happens, afterward on a scale of ... 1 to 10, it's pretty much close to 10," she said. "And I don't think that that's what a lot of people understand is ... how painful this actually is."

Test after test came back with no explanation for why she experienced pain after sex. Then a friend of hers suggested that she might be allergic to her husband.

"And after they said that, I'm like, you know, it kind of crossed my mind. Could that really be possible? So, I kind of went home that night and did a little research on the computer," she said.

It's possible to be allergic to another person, according to sexual health experts.

"The body recognizes semen as a foreign protein just as it would recognize a peanut allergen or pollen," said Dr. Andrew Goldstein, director of the Centers for Vulvovaginal Disorders in Annapolis, Md. "So you have swelling, you have itching, you have inflammation of the nerve endings."

Boyde said those were the exact symptoms she was experiencing.

Seminal Plasma Hypersensitivity

The condition is called seminal plasma hypersensitivity, and an estimated 20,000 to 40,000 women in the United States may have it, Goldstein said.

Dr. Jonathan Bernstein, an immunologist at the University of Cincinnati Academic Health Center, said, "It can be systemic and present anaphylaxis where individuals have not just localized discomfort. They actually can have hives, soft tissue swelling … and, in the severe situations … they can ... potentially die."

But the diagnosis can be devastating for women like Boyde, who are hoping to get pregnant.

"In a person with a semen allergy, you can have infertility because the body is attacking the sperm, making them inactive, so they are unable to fertilize the egg," Goldstein said.

Due to an agreement with the Catholic school she worked for, in vitro fertilization was not an option for the Boydes. But a revolutionary new treatment offered hope for them and other couples living with this condition.

Bernstein, who treats women who are, essentially, allergic to their husbands, developed a desensitization treatment.

The treatment is similar to receiving an allergy shot, Bernstein said. After determining the three proteins in Mike Boyde's semen that triggered his wife's reaction, the lab created a serum from his semen that is used almost like a vaccine to immunize his wife.

She received her serum injections twice a week for the first two weeks and then once a week thereafter. Each shot was stronger than the previous one.

Despite her fear of needles, Julie Boyde said it was worth it if it could help her start a family.

Although the treatment has worked for other couples, it, unfortunately, did not work for the Boydes.

She continued to have a reaction to her husband's semen and, eventually, stopped taking the shots.

The couple said they are going to wait for their adoption agency to match them with a birth mother.

Julie and Mike's story airs on "Strange Sex" tonight on Discovery Health. / abcnews